Leadership may be one of the most talked about subjects in business today. There are many theories on leadership – how to find leaders, how to teach leadership to others and, of course, improve our own leadership.

Perhaps we can best understand leadership by dispelling the #1 Myth about Leadership. (Before you begin reading, stop and think of one person you know who embodies leadership. It may be someone you work under, someone who coached a team you were on, or a world leader. Test this theory against YOUR ideal leader.)

#1 MYTH – Great leaders are made, not born

Now before you get all up in arms and start regaling me with examples of leaders who were developed and not born, let me state that I’m not saying the opposite of this myth is true. What I would like to suggest is a compromise. Instead of believing either/or is the only possibility, let’s take a look at what happens if both lines of thinking are correct.

I will concede for the sake of space that many leadership qualities are teachable. Given proper guidance, mentoring and instruction over time, qualities such as empathy, persistence and effective communication can be learned. Otherwise, it would be hypocritical of me to encourage leadership development with my clients.

However, in my opinion based on over twenty years of experience studying human behavior, some innate abilities – like a talent – cannot be taught to a person who wasn’t born with them.

Consider the TV reality show, Dancing with the Stars, as an example of how we can illustrate this theory. If you were not among the 92 million viewers of this hit ABC show, allow me to explain the premise. Stars from various fields (e.g., movies, music and sports) are paired up with professional dancers to compete in a Ballroom and Latin dance competition. The stars have to learn a new dance every week and then perform before judges and a live audience. The judges critique and score each couple, and then viewers call in to vote for their favorites.

While I admit I was attracted to this show purely for its entertainment value (One season they had a rap star, a female boxer and Jerry Springer dancing? Come on, that’s good TV!), I couldn’t help but draw parallels between the dancing ability of the stars and some business qualities such as leadership, when it comes to natural talent versus learned skills.

Anyone who has watched this program would agree that SOME THINGS IN DANCE can’t be taught. Grace, rhythm and hip flexibility come to mind. Certain stars learned the steps perfectly week after week, but still could not execute them in a manner befitting a ballroom dancer.

So, too is the case with leadership. There are many steps – i.e., skills – you can memorize and be taught to practice which, over time, you may become adept at executing.

But there is at least one key element of leadership that I’m convinced you either have or you don’t. I will go so far as to say that in my career I have never seen someone master it when they didn’t have it to begin with.

This quality or trait is OPTIMISM. I don’t mean a perpetually sunny or “glass-is-half-full” disposition. By “optimism,” I mean an unwavering confidence that the current situation – no matter how dire – can lead to a better future.

This discussion dovetails nicely with another must-have quality of great leaders: Vision. While I believe you can help someone develop a vision or a visionary mindset, the optimism or positive state of mind seems for leaders to come even before a specific vision is created or conceived. It is an established quality they bring to the table.

On the flip side, the pessimistic person typically cannot envision a better future- for themselves or others. If you’ve spent any time trying to paint a positive picture for a pessimist, you know that it is an exercise in futility. You suggest a winning strategy; they knock it down. You see possibilities; they see obstacles.

Does this mean that there is no room in an organization for the critical-minded, skeptical person? Absolutely not. But in a leadership role? Don’t even think about it.

Q: I heard you and Chris say on a call last week that “If it triggers you, it’s about you.” While I think I get this conceptually, could you explain it a little further? ~ Amanda Valade, Indianapolis, IN

A: Hi Amanda. I would love to. I think the easiest way to explain this is to give you an example.

Let’s say someone calls you fat. If you had grown up with weight issues or body image concerns that word may be very painful for you and you would likely be hurt by this persons comment. However, if you had been thin all your life and had a healthy body image, you might be confused (maybe even amused) by this persons words, but it would hardly trigger the same hurtful emotions in you.

So you see, the event is the same: someone called you fat. How you respond to it completely depends upon what is already living inside you regarding the word or label “fat.”

Let’s look at another example that I heard recently. One woman’s husband said her business was a “hobby”, that it would never make a profit and that she should just give up. She told me she felt defensive, attacked and not supported.

Instead of making her husband wrong (which in the past – I would have had no problem jumping on that bandwagon I wanted her to see why it triggered her so much. I asked her if she had ever questioned the viability of her business and if she would be able to make it profitable. She admitted that she questioned it frequently.

But instead of acknowledging that she herself felt this way, she resented her husband for speaking her own fears back to her. He is simply mirroring back to her what’s inside of her.

So instead of reacting by attacking her husband (“oh yeah, well you do this…”) she needed to look at her own beliefs, thoughts and actions around her business.

Since you didn’t give me a specific example from your own life – I hope this helps you understand the concept better.

Q: Hi Nancy! I’m new to direct sales. And while I find the networking part of it very easy (I’m a High “I” after all) I find that it’s difficult to switch from the “getting to know you” part of an appointment to the “do you want to sign up?” part. It seems awkward to go from personal to business. Is it just me? ~ Julie Tasker, Niagara, Ontario

A: Hi Julie. First things first, no it’s not just you! Many women have difficulty with the transition. We’re great at the interaction, bad at the transaction. While I could on and on as to why this is (and why men have less difficulty with this than women), I’m just going to give you what’s worked for me.

Since I too used to find the transition awkward, I now let people know at the front end how our conversation is going to go. It sounds something like this, “Hi Julie, since we only have an hour together, I want to make sure we cover everything. I want to learn a little about you, your specific challenges in business, and how I might be able to help. If it makes sense, I might even recommend a specific solution. How does that sound?”

For you, it might sound something like this: “Jane, since we have a short time together, I want to make sure we cover everything. I want to learn a little about you, your current work situation and if my business opportunity might be of interest to you. How does that sound?”

Once you’ve let them know you may be offering something, it’s not weird to turn the conversation to the “transaction” when it’s time.

Last time I was in Phoenix Arizona for a conference, I headed out two days early because I wanted to climb Camelback Mountain. For years, this annual conference was held in Scottsdale and I could see Camelback from my hotel room. And every year I said, “next time I come, I’m going to stay long enough to climb Camelback.” Well this was finally the year!
 
If you’ve been a reader of mine long enough, you might remember when I wrote an article, “Top Five Lessons from Climbing Everest.” It wasn’t me who climbed Mt. Everest (I’m assuming that’s obvious) but a motivational speaker I had recently heard present.

So I’ve decided this week to write MY top five lessons from Climbing Camelback. Hey, it was my Everest!

1) You can never know the full extent of the kindness of strangers until you travel alone. It amazes me how people really look out for someone who they know is by themselves. I’m a pretty independent woman (just ask my boyfriend!) and I can take care of myself. But I was so touched by people who went out of their way to assist me on this trip.

One example includes a security guard of a very ritzy resort. I was lost on my way to Camelback (part of my independent nature includes traveling to places with no map and no GPS) and turned into the Phoenician Resort. At the gate (you had to be on the guest list before being allowed to enter), I told the guard I had made a wrong turn and was trying to get to Camelback. He told me the best way to get there was through the resort. And after giving me very specific directions, he asked if I wanted a couple bottles of water because I would need them on my hike. Wow! Talk about hospitable.

Then there was the checkout woman at the grocery store who insisted on finding scissors so she could cut the tag off my new sunglasses that I bought for the hike. 

2) Follow the directions – but ask those in the know. When I was at the base of the mountain, I was reading the instructions for climbing. I was really concerned when it said I should wear light, loose fitting clothing (I had on head-to-toe black and as far as loose-fitting? Let’s not go there.), and that I should have at least a quart of water (I had one 16 oz. bottle). I almost considered turning back. But then I decided to ask someone coming off the trail. He happened to be a Phoenix resident and climbs all the time. “You’re fine this time of year. I didn’t even have water with me today. But if it was May or June, you’d be dead.” Great! Onward and upward!

3) Slow and steady wins the race. At the beginning of the climb, I decided to pace myself so I’d have enough gas to get to the top. That means there were plenty of people racing past me. I didn’t mind so much when it was these hard-bodied athletes with backpacks filled with rice and beans training for the Death March in New Mexico (I’m not making this up!). I knew I couldn’t compete so I gladly stepped aside. But when I noticed groups of people with average physiques flying past me, I started to get a little discouraged.

It was then I noticed I kept passing the same people over and over again who were too winded to keep climbing. They’d race past me and then within 5 minutes I’d be passing them again. I beat many people to the “saddle” because I paced myself. I guess it doesn’t matter if you’re the rabbit or the hare, if you just continue on you will reach your goal.

4) Watch where you are going but don’t forget to stop and take a look around. This is the equivalent of “stop and smell the roses.” The more difficult the trail got, the more focused I had to be on the ground in front of me. As I climbed higher, the scenery got more spectacular but I had to make a point to look around and appreciate the beauty or I could have easily missed it. Fortunately stopping to catch my breath often was necessary the higher I climbed so I had plenty of time to see the view.  

5) Never give up. Seriously. There were two times when I almost didn’t continue. The climbing was getting harder and harder and I was getting more and more tired. I had all kinds of thoughts going through my head. “No one else will even know if I don’t make it to the top. I could take a picture from here. I’m sure it’s just as beautiful. Did I even say I was committed to going to the top?” This is called “mind-frick”. And when it starts, the best thing you can do is thank your mind for sharing and come up with a more powerful mantra to overcome it. What worked for me was, “I did not come to Camelback Mountain to climb half a mountain!” I said this over and over to myself and even shared it with a few other people who were ready to quit.

It worked because I made it to the summit. And the rush of exhilaration I felt when I got there (after I caught my breath) was SO worth it! I’m ready for my next mountain!

Q: I always struggle with levels of inventory to suggest new consultants to start with. I want to do what is best for them and their family, but after 20 years in the business, if they don’t have adequate inventory, they don’t have a commitment. But there is so much fear of debt out there, any suggestions?? ~ Colleen Hendrickson

A: This is a question we get quite often. And I think the answer is actually in your question but let me explain a concept first. The concept of projection. The fact is, we often project onto others our beliefs, attitudes and experiences – good or bad. So typically how we got started in business, we assume others are likely to start the same way.

So if you came into the business with a large inventory order but didn’t sell it, or went into significant debt to get started, you will assume others will do the same – and naturally would be reluctant to advise they do the same thing.

However, in your question you state that after 20 years in business you’ve seen that if someone doesn’t have an adequate order (however you define it), they lack commitment. So that is your experience. As long as you’re coming from that place – you are in integrity with the amount you recommend.

Last week, I shared with you something that really bothered me…but promised to rectify the temporary negativity with something positive this week!
 
So the article this week is 12 books that have changed my life – in no particular order!

COMMUNICATION: Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson. This was the first book that drove home that there was an Event and then there was my Story about the Event. It made me realize that we communicate primarily from our Stories of what’s happened, not necessarily the facts – but so does everyone else. Hence why communication with others is so tricky! CLOSE SECOND: Influence – The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini.

SELF-DEVELOPMENT: Handbook to Higher Consciousness by Ken Keyes, Jr. The first time I picked up this book, I read a few pages and put it back on the shelf. The second time I picked up the book, I read a few pages and couldn’t put it down. Books resonate with you when you are ready for them. This book is just one of many that has taught me that if something bugs me, it’s about me. CLOSE SECOND: The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford 
 
RELATIONSHIPS: Loving What Is by Byron Katie. This booked essentially saved my current relationship. I was just getting into the habit of blaming everything on Chris – why couldn’t he be more like this, why did he always have to do that? I read the entire book one afternoon in my car, went home and told Chris I was sorry for everything I was trying to pin on him and that “honey, you’ve got to read this book!” CLOSE SECOND: Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix 
 
FINANCIAL SUCCESS: Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. This book was like a wake-up call when I was on the verge of bankruptcy! It explained exactly why finances were such a challenge for me – even though I was a very smart, creative, hard working person!! It taught me about my inherited “financial blueprint” and what I would have to do to change it. CLOSE SECOND: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill 
 
BUSINESS SUCCESS: The Ultimate Sales Machine by Chet Holmes. Don’t let the title fool you. This book is about SO much more than business. Chet takes on training, hiring, sales, marketing…and does so with such simple, effective advice, I wondered why I hadn’t thought of his ideas before. I go back to this book again and again and refer it often to others. CLOSE SECOND: No B.S. Ruthless Management of People and Profits by Dan Kennedy 
 
SPIRITUAL: The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. This was the first “spiritual” book I had ever read after being raised in a fundamental religion. The concept of the law of attraction (way before The Secret was ever heard of!) was fascinating to me. I liked the self-responsibility inherent in this belief. Heaven or Hell wasn’t so much a location as a place we create for ourselves right here on Earth. Also intriguing was the thought that what is required to “save the world” from angry, destructive forces is a collective awakening. CLOSE SECOND: The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

As I was reading the Sunday paper this past weekend, I happened to look at the weekly “Top 20 Best Selling Books” list. While this list included fiction and non-fiction, only three were non-fiction. This is how it broke down further.

• 6 of the 20 books were Young Adult/Youth titles. Yay! Our kids are still reading! Boo! 5 of the 6 were violent themes where the characters had to kill or be killed.

• Of the 14 adult titles, 8 were also violent themes. Everything from vigilante gunmen to assassinations to a 14 year old charged with murder.

Again, 17 of these titles were Fiction. That means that we, as a nation, and especially our youth are reading stories written with violence as the main theme.

Yep, that pissed me off!

But if you really get the concept of the quote by Earl Nightingale, “You become what you think about,” you’ll see that the themes of the entertainment you allow in your life will undoubtedly play out in your life – in some way.

I once had a kid tell me his mom was “addicted” to courtroom dramas and reality TV shows about judges and litigation. Is it any surprise that this mother, on a regular basis, has a legal battle going on in her life? Custody issues, eviction notices, wrongful termination lawsuits, etc. She is manifesting in her life exactly what she is filling her mind with.

Perhaps why this is such a trigger for me is because I KNOW the power of books and their ability to change your life. I know because I’ve been reading almost solely self-development and business building books for the last decade.

Maybe as important as what I do read, it’s just as important to note what I STOPPED reading:

• Romance Novels in my late-20′s because they were wreaking havoc on my love life. No guy I dated seemed to match my expectations. Plus the hero in romance novels was always the strong and silent type who could never express how he felt until the heroine came along and melted the wall around his heart and…alas, he was cured. So guess what I kept being attracted to?

• Cosmo and Glamour as my main sources of information. Not only did I get the impression that everyone was have more and better sex than I was, I also constantly compared myself to airbrushed images of women that I could never match up to.

• Newspaper (or online news nowadays). Just scanning the headlines of the daily paper was depressing. What is that saying “Good news doesn’t sell”? Agreed. Which is why I stopped buying the paper!

Once I freed up that time, I was able to devote more time to reading that could actually improve my business, health, relationships and finances. Next week I will share a list of books that have changed my life.

Q: Hi Nancy! How do you “close” the S/C personalities in a short window of time? They always seem to need time to research or are simply full of fear. On the flipside, how can I ensure signing up the D/I personalities on the spot? ~ Ana G.

A: Hi Ana. It is difficult to close the High Steady and Compliants on the spot. They, by their very nature, have to think every decision through carefully. The only way is to give them an incentive to sign up right then. If it’s enticing enough, they may go against their nature.

With the Dominant or Influential person, they are used to making quick impulsive decisions. D’s like options and I’s LOVE free bonuses. So lay out several options (always starting with the highest pricepoint) and offer a bonus if they sign up right then.

Where do I start? When cash flow is tight and every part of your business needs work, it’s a little overwhelming. Right? Yes, it is important to keep all the balls juggling in your business. But it also makes sense to focus on the ONE thing that makes everything else flow and that is…SHARING! (Thought I was going to say “selling”, didn’t you?
 
When you are sharing the benefits and solutions you have for people, that is where you truly make the largest difference. So why is it so often the last thing on our list??

Because we do what we know. We know how to organize our office, order inventory, create a newsletter, or email customers. Our mind always pulls us back to what’s comfortable and easy. Here are a few simple instructions to get the right things done.

1. SHARE FIRST. Create structure and systems second. I know this feels backwards. But what is the point of spending time creating systems to run your business when you do not yet have a team? Yes, you do need some basic structure in place for your business but nowhere near what you think you need. When you start growing your team – then the way to create structure and systems will appear. 

2. FOCUS ON PEOPLE if you’re looking for cash flow. There is a lot we could be doing at any moment in our business (tweaking our websites, marketing through social media, etc). BUT if you need to increase your income quickly, ONLY focus on the activities that will have direct results in income. (Booking appointments, calling customers for re-orders, lead events, etc.)

3. DO NOT GO IT ALONE. Get help or support. If you are wondering why you are not making enough or have enough clients yet and you are doing everything yourself, that is one big AHA! Outsource some of the day-to-day administrative tasks to a virtual assistant. Delegate the details and distractions that keep you from making money!

4. STOP, BREATHE & BELIEVE. We usually get fixated on the details of our business because it’s easier than marketing and selling. When you cannot seem to get out of the planning and preparation process (getting ready to get ready), stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself “What am I avoiding? What is the fear?” Then check in with a friend, coach or Director to bust through that belief.

5. HELP MORE PEOPLE. The perfect product, packaging or process does not help more people. It is important to make your products and offerings professional, but these details are not what change people’s lives. The moment they invest in themselves is when your client begins to change. Arrange everything you do around creating more of those moments.

Go out and make a difference through reaching women every day. It will help more people and make you more money. And in business, that is the only detail that matters!

*This article’s content was inspired by Suzanne Evans of www.helpmorepeople.com.

We’ve all heard about the power of visualization.  Maybe even tried it for a time.  But most of us have had little or no success manifesting the dreams and desires we’ve had for years!  So it leads many to believe that things like Vision Boards don’t work.

If you’ve seen “The Secret,” you may remember John Assaraf’s story about how he put a picture of his dream house on his Vision Board.  While moving around for a period of five years, his Vision Board ironically got put out of sight!  Once he moved into a house he was going to stay in for awhile, he went through some old boxes and found his Vision Board.  He was amazed to see that he moved into – not a house like his dream house but – the EXACT house that was on his Vision Board.
 
I found this a bit hard to believe until I heard John explain that the picture of his dream house was an aerial view.  So when he saw it from the ground – he didn’t realize it was that exact same house.

I recently had my own “well whatdya know – Vision Boards DO work” kind of experience.

As you may know, Chris and I moved in December.  I’ve always wanted to live on the water and in Rochester there are two choices – Irondequoit Bay or Lake Ontario.  So one day about four years ago, I went out to the Bay and Lake and took pictures for my Vision Board (see TOP picture).  I thought maybe if I looked at these every day then I would eventually manifest a house on the water.

So we’d been in our new townhouse about two weeks when Chris pulls out my Vision Board and is stunned by what he saw.  This picture is the view from our townhouse (BOTTOM picture).  We were not even conscious when we decided to buy this townhouse that the view was so similar.  Yep, like John Assaraf – we had forgotten the picture on my Vision Board!!

So four years after I posted the pictures, I have achieved my vision.  Okay – so it wasn’t instant manifestation.  But certain things had to happen along the way for my vision to take place. There are things I did right (and things I could have done better) that led to the eventual manifestation of my goal.

Here’s my take on it:

1) Be very specific about what you want.  I was very specific – so much so that I went and took pictures of the view I eventually wanted.  

2) Focus on your vision every day.  I had my Vision Board in my bedroom where I saw it every morning and every night.  What I could have done better was paid more “conscious” attention to it.  It was in the background, peripherally, yet obviously seeped into my subconscious.  But to create speed around my goal – I could have made it more of a conscious activity.

3) Be willing to step out of your comfort zone.  Everything that has happened in the last four years, changes in my business, changes in my relationship status, have all required stepping out of my comfort zone.  What I could have done better is be less resistant to the changes.  I fought every one of them.  See #4.

4) Don’t let fear stop you.  There were times I wanted to run and hide from the changes that were taking place.  Share my business with someone, give up 100% control, be vulnerable to someone else and their mistakes?  Not something this independent gal was used to!.

5) Be willing to let go of “NOT QUITE RIGHT” in order to get “EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT”.  We looked at other townhouses that were very nice but not on the water.  As I was about to settle, we decided to look at one more neighborhood we thought we’d already been to (but hadn’t).  I walked in and from the living room saw the view above.  Chris tells me that I said “I’ll take it” before I even found out how much it was!

You can see how applicable these 5 steps are to anything you want to do.  Lose weight, get a better job, or find a great relationship.  It all starts with knowing exactly what you want.  But after that, ACTION is required. 

We find that this is where most people stop.  What are you DOING in order to make your dreams come true?